Monday, October 26, 2009

Since When Did I

I used to write in my blog for a completely different reason when I first started out. This blog was meant to be where I'll write about significant occurrences in which I'll read about it again in the distant future. It's a way for me to gauge my personal growth, as what I write usually mirrors my own maturity.
Nowadays, however, I only write when I'm feeling depressed. I write when I have a problem and I can't seem to write when I'm happy. How will this affect my blog's original purpose, then? It doesn't matter. Even if I do only write when I'm depressed, I'll still have a good time re-reading my posts. It's like being in a time machine where I can dwell in past memories and laugh or cry about it.

P/S : How many readers do I have? And how did you know about my blog? Did I tell you about it, or did you find out from facebook? Am I suffocating you with questions?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I've Got a Bad Feeling About This

Over the past two-three weeks, I've had a constant discomforting feeling. It has nothing to do with my injured right hand, and it has nothing to do with drugs/sobriety. It has something to do with... (still can't put my finger on it). Sigh.

Maybe someone I love is in danger or is going through something serious. No bad news so far. Absence of ill news is a form of good news, hopefully. Maybe someone's plotting an evil plan to ruin me? Surely my evil twin brother has not escaped from the mental institution hell-bent on getting his revenge on me, because I don't have an evil twin brother. Maybe this feeling is just a prelude to achieving greatness within myself, like getting superpowers ala Heroes. That would be cool. That would be really cool.

As cliche as it sounds, it's really hard to describe the feeling. My limited vocabulary and uninteresting style would not stop me from trying to describe it, though. (*ehem* - clears throat before starting to explain) For starters, I would feel as if there's a void right between my chests, literally. Sometimes whenever I notice that feeling I'd also realize that i stopped breathing for a while. Things would be out of focus, as if I was staring blankly into space. It also makes me feel anxious. Or jumpy. Like prison-bitch jumpy. Not a good feeling to have.

I pray this shall pass for I do not enjoy these feelings. It's making me lose sleep.

On second thought, I pray that these feelings are just symptoms of a soon-to-be superhero on the verge of discovering his superpowers. Amin.