Stages of Grief and Loss

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross stated there are five stages that people go through when faced with grief and loss. This can be related to death or even break-ups i suppose. Basically, the five stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Final Acceptance. The thing is, i thing I got my stages mixed up when I broke up recently. Let me explain.

The first stage I went through when I dumped her was Bargaining. It was only a few hours after the incident, but I've already started to plead and beg her to take me back. Of course, she didn't give me a straight answer until 4-5 days after that so I went through the Denial stage. I kept telling myself that there is a chance to get back in the relationship, but I was wrong, so wrong. I'm going through Anger right now, because I feel like she toyed with my emotions and simply left me cold and bloody by the roadside. I feel betrayed, and I keep on having visions of bad things, really bad things happening to her friends. I'm sure that I haven't gone through the Final Acceptance stage yet, because I still feel as though this whole breaking up business is wrong. I'm not saying that I shouldn't have broken up with her, I'm only saying that I was made to believe something fake and things wouldn't be this painful if only she was honest to me.

Another reason why I feel like I got my stages mixed up is because of the Depression stage. For me, I didn't go through one single stage where I was constantly depressed. Depression was like a constant for me, because it existed throughout the other stages as well. I haven't had a single day since I've broken up where I didn't think about her and felt depressed. It goes to show that Kubler-Ross' theory isn't exactly perfect yet, but I don't really care about that. All I know is, I'm enraged and depressed and (oh please God) I hope I can go smack the hell out of her right now. If it wasn't for my "no violence against women" policy, she'll be going back to her friends with cuts and bruises. Argh...

While dealing with this depression, I kept on reminding myself that I've still got basketball, friends, family and my Koala. To tell you the truth, I'm glad because my friends and Koala has been there to support me throughout the whole break-up. Thanks Cerak, Khalis, Jean, Adam, and anyone else I forgot to mention. I would've gone crazy if it wasn't for you guys.

Oh, and Koala, if you're reading this, thanks a lot for being here for me throughout this hard time, and thanks for everything. I really appreciate it.

Random Emo Song

This is a song by Coheed and Cambria, one of my all-time favourite band. I like the lyrics because it works on so many levels. Personally, I think that the song's simply about a person who's just broken up and feels like he was betrayed by the ex. In fact, he feels like taking up a knife and cutting her up. Actually, cancel that. I feel like taking up a chainsaw and mutilating Comel. I just broke up a few days ago, by the way.

The Willing Well IV: The Final Cut

In the final curtain call
You left me here with the coldest of feelings
Weight, kind, depression
Blessing the floors with the places you’ve stepped in
Will they ever measure up to the way you left me?
Here on the roadside the bloodiest cadaver
Marked in your words: I’m the joke, I’m the bastard
Here wait, so I guess that you knew
That you’re… a selfish little whore
I’m the selfish little whore
If I had my way I’d crush your face in the door

This is no beginning… this is the final cut
Open up, I’m in love

Emo Song of The Week

I'm addicted to this song because of a few things. First, it's because of the lyrics. Short and concise, and it still delivers the desired emotions. I put my favorite lines in Italic.
Second reason, it's because of the guy's voice. His voice doesn't make feel sad. It makes me feel pain. It makes me feel his pain, and reminds me of my pain.
The last reason would be because the song's played with just two guitars through out the whole song, and it doesn't sound over-produced like the mainstream ballads you hear on MTV. This song sounds honest, in a way.
Anyways, go check this song out.

Nadia's Picture Show - Menunggu Dirimu

Semuanya kan berakhir
Kiranya kau kan mungkir
Tetapku menunggu mu
Untuk kau terus berfikir

Jangan kau anggap ini semuanya
Hanya mimpi yang tak berharga
Jangan kau hampa tentang isinya
Kenangan yang telah kita bina

Hanyaku yang inginkan semua
Untuk kita terus berdua

Ku kan terus tersiksa
Kiranya aku tetapkan menunggu dirimu

Harusku menahan semua kisah cintaku
Jauh, jauh….
Jauh…



p/s: this song will forever remind me of that emo girl

Random Update

First up, I'm going to go ahead and say that I think my non-paying 2-day modeling gig went well. Christie didn't put me in the IT nerds shot. Instead, I was put into two different shots. The first one was a massive group photo with 3 girls and 6-7 other guys. We all wore business suits, and one guy was holding a trophy in the middle while we all huddled up and faked some glorious emotions. It was funny because we were basically cheering and screaming for nothing, and the trophy we used was a really old trophy. Seriously, REALLY old. The props guy had to dust it off before we used it. That's how old it was.
The second shot was uber cool. See the Franz Ferdinand picture? That's the shot that Khalis, Aaron and I had to recreate. We all wore skinny jeans with coats and ties, the whole works. I even had my hair combed like one of the guys. We had to jump a few times before we got the shot we wanted, but it's all good. Christie said that she'll give us a CD containing all the pictures taken during the gig, and I can't wait to get it.
Jackie, one of the guys in charge told us that the pictures are going to come out early next month, most probably. Of course, since we're talking about Malaysians here, I'd say the earliest they'll come out is late November. Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I'll be uploading the photos once I get it.
Anyways, I had a good Aidilfitri. The only thing I hated was driving back, because I got stuck in a traffic jam for 3 hours. Sigh. One interesting thing that I would not forget was seeing my little cousins trying to "layoq" some chickens while in Alor Star. My uncle and I had to "sembelih" and prepare 7 chickens for the family to cook, and the little buggers were forced to help pluck out all the feathers. It was funny because it was their first time doing it, and my little sister was making a big fuss over it. "This may be the only time I'll ever do this in my whole life," she says.
Oh, another random thing. I've been trying to figure out ways to kiss a girl without her noticing it. Things like lightly kissing the girl's shoulder when taking the escalator, kissing the back of her head while she's paying for something, etc. Anybody has any other methods to share?