Random Emo Song of the Week

Dazmelon - Terbang
The original version of this song is so energetic yet still mushy. It's exactly what you'd imagine a rocker who's truly in love would sing. However, I couldn't find a proper video for this song on Youtube. Instead, cringe listen as yours truly sing off-key while helplessly playing the guitar. As usual, lines that interest me are bold.



Andai bisa ku terbang,
Tinggi di awan,
Kan ku terbang sayap impian,
Melayang tinggi diruangan angkasa.

Namun semua hanya impian,
Yang tak mungkin bisa ku janjikan,
Seperti apa yang terjadi di kisah khayalan,

Hanya mimpi yang bisa ku janjikan,
Realiti ini bukannya seperti mimpi sang puteri.

Maafkan aku melukai mu,
Maafkan ku kerna tak bisa,
Ku hadirkan semua mimpi-mimpi mu,

Pegang tangan ku pejam mata mu,
Dan selami hati yang berbunga,
Dan pastinya kau kan melayang,
Terbang di angkasa.

Bersama ku berdua jelajahi kisah cinta,
Seperti di dalam kisah sang arjuna,

Kita terbang bersama,
Berdua diruangan angkasa,
Bahagia cinta tercipta,
Biar pun bukan di realitinya

Advice Taken, Bro

"Don't stop writing, man."
...
Since we were both in the middle of dribbling/shooting inside the court, I was taken by surprise when Razif said that to me. Nobody would really expect this kind of talk during a basketball game, right? Unless you're Jesus Shuttlesworth and you're playing one-on-one with your dad, usually it's just trash talk, or girls, or more trash talk. He then started to talk about how Kurt Cobain was a great writer and if he didn't stop writing, he wouldn't have gone overboard on drugs and killed himself. Erm, yeah.
Anyways, Razif's right about Kurt. His lyrics talked of things outsiders wouldn't even think of finding in a 'grunge' song. And then there were some songs which were dark, cynical and depressing. Which brings me to Polly. I kid you not, when I first heard Polly, I thought it was about feeding a pet bird some crackers. The thing is, Kurt wrote the song after reading in a newspaper about a girl who was abducted after a gig. The girl was later raped and tortured with a blowtorch. So, erm, yeah.
p/s: Wrote this a couple of months ago but forgot to post it somehow. w.e.i.r.d.

I Hate This

I am an immature bastard. If I feel like you've broken my heart betrayed me, it will take a while before I get comfortable around you again. By a while, I mean a few decades, in which time I shall continue to be uncomfortable around you, so uncomfortable that I'll take one extra joint if I find out that I have to share the same environment as you. Which is what happened today.

hornyBastard called me up in the evening, asking me if I wanted to go watch the KL Dragons match at a mamak place in Subang. I agreed and asked him if we were going in the same car, but he said that he's going with Edika and Comel (God it doesn't even feel right writing that). Anyways, I don't mind her presence. I have no beef with her. In fact, not even mutton. But I still feel uncomfortable around her.

I ended up ignoring her for the whole (roughly) three hours I was there with the guys. Like I said, I'm an immature bastard. Fine with me, as long as I don't have to be in direct contact with her. It helped that she didn't sit anywhere near me. It helped that I made myself busy with the game. It didn't help that Edika borrowed my phone, took pictures of the people there and caught a solo picture of Comel looking, well, comel. Macha, macha.

Turnaround

Stumbled upon this while searching for a file in my documents. I wrote this in early 2006, back when I was still in Urbana and dreaming of writing short stories for today's youth. Tells the story of a guy who tries his hand at suicide because he was lonely, only to realize that life after death is even lonelier. In retrospect, this is proof that I am NOT a good writer. The whole story sounds disoriented, and the character is more whiney than deep. Sigh. Good thing I've moved on to sports journalism now.

Turnaround

They say drugs can mess up your brain. I beg to differ. My mind is crystal-clear right now. Killing me is definitely the right choice. I just want to rest for a while before taking the jump. My body’s feeling a little sore.

This building’s got a pretty nice view from here. It’s a shame that nobody else comes here despite it being a good chilling spot. Actually, I guess that’s the reason why this place is like it is. It won’t be as tranquil if everybody comes here. It’d just violate the silence of this apartment.

The breeze falls lightly on my face. I can see Marlboro Red smoke assimilating with the air, forming mind-boggling shapes. The people look like ants from where I stand, unlike the goliaths they want others to see them as. How many times have I thought so? Almost every single time I wasn’t invited to join their social parties. Which is not that many times once you think about it. Must’ve been just a few dozen times. Oh well. Time to jump.

One, two, fly. I can only imagine what I look like right now. Arms wide open, eyes shut close, feeling as calm as ever. I bet I look like one of those guys on the cover of a rock album. Cool. I feel weightless. I... think I’m leaning on the wind right now. This is much better than anything I’ve ever done before. As clichéd as it may sound, the world is going in slow motion. I think I can turn my body around at least five times before hitting the ground. Wow. This is taking too long. Let me get ready for turn number 1. Move my shoulders a little bit. That’s it. I can almost make out who those two people on the benches are.

I can see a lady breastfeeding her baby through the apartment window. I never thought a person could look so beautiful doing that. She’s got the baby in one hand, and the whole house in the other. Makes me think about my own mom. She left me and my sister with my gramps when my parents divorced. I never knew why until a few years ago. She was ashamed of the “divorcee” status. God damn it. She left me because of that? Really gives you perspective, doesn’t it. Time for another turn. Let’s see. Hands to the side. Here we go.

Now my back’s facing the ground. The glare from the sun isn’t really making it easy for me to see so I turn to my left. I see a girl in front of her laptop, in a room in the building next to mine. Can’t really make out what she’s seeing on that screen but I bet she’s chatting with her friends or something. I bet that’s how the others live. They say they’re alone but they have no idea. They still have people who talk to them. They still go for friendly meals, socializing. The last time I hung out with somebody I had to pay for her company. Pathetic. One more turn. I want to see the ground as I’m falling.

I can see who those people on the benches are right now. It’s that old couple from down the street. I can’t believe they still hold hands. Wonder how it feels like, to have loved a person for that long. Decades spent loving each other. The last girl I asked out told me she’s a lesbian. Another one told me that she’s seeing someone else. The girl before that just disappeared. This is making me sick. I’d rather see something else. Turn around one last time.

Halfway there, and I see me. I don’t know where the mirror came from but I can see myself with my back on the ground, blood all over. The old couple looks distressed. So are the people who were walking around just now. I can’t believe how awful I look. It’s like seeing a picture from a Vesuvius album. Wait. This isn’t supposed to happen. I’m dead. I’m not supposed to see this. Nobody can see me standing here. All they see is the body on the sidewalk. Great. I take the plunge and I’m still here, nothing’s changed. Just great.

Since When Did I

I used to write in my blog for a completely different reason when I first started out. This blog was meant to be where I'll write about significant occurrences in which I'll read about it again in the distant future. It's a way for me to gauge my personal growth, as what I write usually mirrors my own maturity.
Nowadays, however, I only write when I'm feeling depressed. I write when I have a problem and I can't seem to write when I'm happy. How will this affect my blog's original purpose, then? It doesn't matter. Even if I do only write when I'm depressed, I'll still have a good time re-reading my posts. It's like being in a time machine where I can dwell in past memories and laugh or cry about it.

P/S : How many readers do I have? And how did you know about my blog? Did I tell you about it, or did you find out from facebook? Am I suffocating you with questions?

I've Got a Bad Feeling About This

Over the past two-three weeks, I've had a constant discomforting feeling. It has nothing to do with my injured right hand, and it has nothing to do with drugs/sobriety. It has something to do with... (still can't put my finger on it). Sigh.

Maybe someone I love is in danger or is going through something serious. No bad news so far. Absence of ill news is a form of good news, hopefully. Maybe someone's plotting an evil plan to ruin me? Surely my evil twin brother has not escaped from the mental institution hell-bent on getting his revenge on me, because I don't have an evil twin brother. Maybe this feeling is just a prelude to achieving greatness within myself, like getting superpowers ala Heroes. That would be cool. That would be really cool.

As cliche as it sounds, it's really hard to describe the feeling. My limited vocabulary and uninteresting style would not stop me from trying to describe it, though. (*ehem* - clears throat before starting to explain) For starters, I would feel as if there's a void right between my chests, literally. Sometimes whenever I notice that feeling I'd also realize that i stopped breathing for a while. Things would be out of focus, as if I was staring blankly into space. It also makes me feel anxious. Or jumpy. Like prison-bitch jumpy. Not a good feeling to have.

I pray this shall pass for I do not enjoy these feelings. It's making me lose sleep.

On second thought, I pray that these feelings are just symptoms of a soon-to-be superhero on the verge of discovering his superpowers. Amin.

There's This Place

There's this place near Pendang, Kedah. It's right off the PLUS highway near the Pendang exit but you can only access it if you're heading south. No one goes or stops there because there's nothing except for a place to park your car and a few trees to provide shade. Why the fascination with the location? Because I've never experienced a disappointing view from the place. It consists of a wide paddy field with a few prominent trees, an occasional cow or two, and a distant mountain in the background. Be it day or night, rain or shine, the scenery is always serene. It's a perfect place for you to simply park, smoke up, rest and stare. Nice.

The Blue CRV

Sometimes, I drive the car aimlessly. I don't have a destination in mind, I simply drive. I'll drive through new places, exploring inner roads while occasionally getting lost. I turn the music down and talk about random things. This goes on for a while before I decide that I've had enough and start driving back home.

Sometimes, I drive the car aimlessly. I don't have a destination in mind, I simply drive and follow your directions because I'm crap at remembering roads. Thank God you're good at it. I'll drive through new places, exploring inner roads while occasionally getting lost because it's something you like to do. I turn the music down and talk about random things because that's how we connect. This goes on for a while before I decide that I've had enough and start driving back home.

Sometimes, I drive the car aimlessly. I don't have a destination in mind, I simply drive and follow your directions because I'm crap at remembering roads. Thank God you're good at it. Too bad you're not here. I'll drive through new places, exploring inner roads while occasionally getting lost because it's something you like to do. Also, because it's something we used to do together. I turn the music down and talk about random things because that's how we connect. It makes me feel like you're actually there sitting next to me, listening to my pointless ceritas. This goes on for a while before I decide that I've had enough and start driving back home, wishing I could instead drive to wherever you are.

Sometimes, I drive the car aimlessly because I miss you.

I miss you.

Sweat, Repeat

He starts by bending his knees, both his feet set on the ground. Both his hands are on the ball, positioned in his shot pocket. He gathers energy as he moves his body upwards, channeling the inertia from his legs to his arms and raising the ball up. His right hand is behind the ball, his elbow straight towards the basket. His left hand is on the side of the ball, providing guidance as he launches it into the air. His right hand follows through but the ball hits the back of the rim. He gathers his own miss. He repeats, his mind somewhere else.

He often finds himself in the same situation. A gentleman born in the wrong decade, women his age seldom understand his qualities. Always the preferred son-in-law candidate, never the worthy potential partner. A dying breed, this sad gunner. No one he's been with is ever ready for what he has to offer, and a man can only take so many heartbreaks. Sooner or later, he'll start to lose all feeling. With every failed relationship, he closes in on becoming just like his peers. Heartless. Numb. Pathetic.

He lies down on the court, ball not far from his hand. He stares directly at the night-sky, gasping for air. Burnt-out, he thinks about going back. A swift wind passes by him and sends a chill over his sweaty body. He pauses for a moment, realizing that there's nothing else to think about. He picks himself up. He looks at the ball next to him and knows exactly what to do next. "100 more jump-shots," he mutters under his own breath.

Broken Laptop

Ali was still groggy and didn’t bother to check who was calling when he picked up the phone. Immediately after hearing the sobs on the other line, though, he knew exactly who it was. She sounded frantic and it took a while before Maia could form whole sentences.

“Ali, my laptop broke down. I was doing work on it and the monitor suddenly went blank but the laptop’s lights are still on. I have an assignment due next week and all my work’s inside there. I’ve tried everything but it still doesn’t work. I really need your help.”

Ali is not an IT expert. He knows the basics of working a computer, but troubleshooting is not one of his strengths.

Ali sounded cool, thinking it was just something trivial. “Have you tried taking out the battery?”

“Yes.”

He began to realize that this wasn’t just a normal problem. “Have you tried taking out all the wires?”

“Yes. I’ve tried all that and it doesn’t work. There’s nothing on the screen and the computer won’t shut down or restart.”

Ali was baffled. This was beyond his limited knowledge. He still wanted to sound composed, even though he was perplexed, if only to calm her down. She regressed to mumbling like a little child, sounding afraid. Ali couldn’t think of anything else.

“Have you tried putting it in the fridge?”

“Huh?”

“Because that wouldn’t help.”

There was silence. Then, Maia burst into laughter. It went on for a good five, maybe even seven seconds.

“Thanks, Ali. I needed that.”

“No problem, sayang. Sorry I couldn’t help with your laptop. Just leave it be for the night and hopefully we’ll think of something else tomorrow.”

“I love you, baby. Good night.”

“Good night, sayang.”

Ali put down the phone, pondered if Maia was feeling better, smiled, and went back to sleep.

Keputusan Perlawanan Archers vs Zeroes 24/05/09

"Perasaan hampa jelas kelihatan pada pemain-pemain Archers"

Liga Bola Keranjang Tidak-Cina (NCBL) bermula pada Ahad lepas dengan perasaan "haip" yang tinggi ketara ternampak pada pemain-pemain Archers. Akan tetapi, pasukan Archers diselubungi masalah sebelum dan semasa perlawanan mereka, di mana mereka di"kitai" oleh pasukan Zeroes yang tidak menurunkan big man mereka yang khabarnya hebat. Penulis mendapat tahu yang big man itu tidak turut serta kerana menghadiri kenduri kahwin.

Zeroes tidak boleh dinilai kehebatannya hanya pada perlawanan ini kerana ketidakhadiran big man mereka serta star mereka (brader no. 15) sejuk semasa awal-awal perlawanan. Kemungkinan besar kalau big man itu hadir, serta brader no. 15 itu panas-atas dari awal game, Archers bukan sahaja akan di"kitai" malahan dijadikan lauk, ditapau dan di hantar ke pejabat pos supaya mereka boleh pergi mampos.

Masalah Archers bermula sebelum perlawanan bermula kerana masalah dengan jersi mereka yang tidak hadir tepat pada masanya. Dua orang pemain mereka yang tercedera terpaksa menjemput jersi tersebut hadir dari Kampung Tunku ke Balakong.

Selain dari itu, Archers juga tidak mempunyai Pengawal Mata (point guard) mereka, Fikri Hairudin serta Pengawal Menembak (shooting guard) mereka, Badli Shah. Masalah utama Archers adalah ketidakbolehan mereka untuk mengawal pemain-pemain perimeter Zeroes dari menggelecek bola ke dalam kawasan cat. Selain dari itu, Pengawal-Pengawal Archers banyak memaksa hantaran buruk dan gagal menggunakan big men Archers kepada potensi penuh mereka.

Energy-Guy-off-the-Bench-ala2-Sasha-Vujacic-without-the-long-hair, afiqPG, juga tidak menunjukkan yang beliau telah bersedia untuk bermain. Jurulatih Archers, saudara Hilmi Rashid, kelihatan hampa dengan afiqPG dan berkata kepadanya dengan muka ketat bercampur sarkastik, "aku tau player diorang besar, sakit badan kalau nak box out kan?".

Ramai pihak beranggapan bahawa perlawanan Archers dan Griffin pada minggu ini umpama Sacramento Kings bertemu Oklahoma City Thunder, atau Hull City bertemu West Brom Albion. Akan tetapi, penulis berpendapat bahawa permainan pada Ahad ini akan menunjukkan pasukan Archers yang lebih efisien dalam pertahanan dan penggunaan big men mereka. Saudara Hilmi Rashid dijangka akan menekan Archers dengan tekanan yang boleh membuatkan mereka tertekan pada sesi latihan yang akan datang untuk menekankan kepentingan tekanan untuk bermain dengan lebih elok pada Ahad ini. Energy-Guy-off-the-Bench-ala2-Sasha-Vujacic-without-the-long-hair juga dijangka akan bermain dengan lebih agresif setelah dibakar pada perlawanan Ahad lepas. Sila tunggu dan lihat. Sekian.

P/S: Penulis juga berpendapat yang Archers tidak cukup tidur sebelum perlawanan mereka minggu lepas yang (sepatutnya) bermula pada pukul 8. Nasib mereka baik kerana perlawanan minggu ini bermula pada pukul 11.45.

Random Emo Song of The Week

Pesawat - Mirage
I've finally started listening to Xfm a couple of weeks back. I remember when I first broke up with Comel, and I couldn't even bring myself to listen to 103.00 because almost every song on their playlist reminded me of her. It got to a point where I would listen to songs on my phone while in someone's car, just so that I won't have to listen to those songs. Well, I've been spending a lot of time in my car these past few weeks driving around from damansara to subang to selayang to cyberjaya (damn you drama queens) and I got bored to listening to all my CDs (almost impossible, I know). I decided to listen to Xfm. Guess what? They don't play the same songs, and even the DJs have changed. Most importantly, I can tune in to Xfresh without a heavy heart. This brings me to this song.
Mirage, by Pesawat, is a catchy song with short, straight-forward lyrics. I especially like the acoustic version. Can't get the chorus out of my head at the moment. There's no significance to the lyrics (for myself, at least) but the words are still pretty cool. As usual, lines that I like are in bold.

Cahaya terang menembusi
Bagai sebuah kisah misteri
Kau mungkin … asing
Kau mungkin …
pernah ku kenal sebelum ini

Resah gelisah dibuatnya
Bagai sebuah cereka cinta
Haru … biru
Kelam … jiwaku
Semakin kacau

Siang malam termimpi mimpi
Pagi petang tercari cari
Tiap saat ternanti nanti
Kau masih tiada disisi

Apakah ini satu mimpi
Terasa bagai sebuah delusi
Ilusi … mata
Maian … jiwaku
Semakin kacau

Two Posts in One Day? jiwa kacau la tu...

Here's some general advice. It's pretty much plain logic but some people just doesn't seem to understand it.

• If you're not interested in someone, don't keep on giving them hope and just tell them directly that you're not interested.
• If you're still not over your ex, don't flirt or go out on dates unless the other person knows that you're not over your ex.
• Just because you know someone likes you, it doesn't give you the right to ask him for help all the time. That's called taking advantage.
• If you're going out with more than one person at a time, inform the people involved. Don't lie about it. Don't even try to hide it.

Anyways, I hate seeing my friends go jiwa kacau over relationship problems. When they get jiwa kacau, I get jiwa kacau. You won't like me when I get jiwa kacau. So please don't make my friends get jiwa kacau. Thanks in advance.

Answers

I did a "How Well Do You Know Me" quiz on facebook and expected no one to score 100% on it. I was so confident that I even put up an invitation to treat - the first person to get 100% will get free lunch. Imagine my surprise when Adam got everything right. Anyways, I'm posting up the quiz here along with some extra information. Here goes:

1)	Which of the following nicknames are not mine?
a)	Bomba
b)	PG
c)	White Choc with Strawberry Chips
d)	Rangga
e)	Sasha

2)	My priorities from left to right would be
a)	family, friends, girlfriend/lover
b)	family, girlfriend/lover, friends
c)	girlfriend/lover, family, friends

3)	From left to right, the things that interests me the most would be
a)	basketball, "smoking", comedy, guitar-heavy music,
b)	"smoking", basketball, guitar-heavy music, comedy,
c)	basketball, guitar-heavy music, comedy, "smoking",
d)	guitar-heavy music, basketball, comedy, "smoking",

4)	I listen to
a)	Guitar-heavy music - anything that rocks
b)	Love songs - because i'm a lonely guy inside
c)	Xfm - kami tak hot, kami cool!
d)	anything other than the stuff people play in clubs
e)	Psychedelic songs - sounds that you can feel

5)	Places that I've not stayed at in Malaysia (min= 1 year)
a)	Kelana Jaya
b)	Melaka
c)	Subang
d)	Shah Alam
e)	Kuala Kangsar

6)	Which of the following universities/colleges has Afiq not been a part of?
a)	UiTM Seksyen 17, Shah Alam
b)	KDU College
c)	Universiti Malaya
d)	UIUC
e)	Universiti Teknologi Petronas

7)	Favorite basketball player of all time
a)	Cik Arip
b)	Kobe Bryant
c)	Sasha Vujacic
d)	Greg Ostertag
e)	Didier Drogba

8)	I don't watch
a)	Prison Break
b)	Ghost (the TV show, not the movie)
c)	crappy Malay movies
d)	TV
e)	Family Guy

1) People used to call me Bomba back when I started playing basketball in Projek, and it continued when I balled at Section 12. Most people know me by PG. Budin called me White Choc with Strawberry Chips when I balled in Section 18. Farid started calling me Rangga from time to time when my hair was long. Sasha is just a nickname that I wish I could have, because I view myself as an "energy guy off the bench ala-ala Sasha Vujacic but without the long hair". No one calls me Sasha, though. At least not yet.

2) Family comes first. That's a no-brainer for me. Friends, if you've hung out with me long enough you've most probably been ditched at least once because I had to go out with my girl. Seriously.

3) Honestly, I can't live happily without these four things. I listen to guitar-heavy music a lot, I love laughing, I can't stop smoking and I live basketball.

4) I listen to almost everything. Except for most of the stuff that people play in clubs. That's one of the reasons why I shy away from clubs and mainstream radios.

5) Brief history here - born in Subang, stayed with my extended family in Alor Star for a while, moved to Melaka for a couple of years, then moved to Kelana Jaya before finally moving to Shah Alam. Kuala Kangsar is my Kampung, but I've never stayed there for extended periods of time.

6) I studied in PASUM (which is in Universiti Malaya) for a month or so before getting an offer to study in INTEC (aka UiTM Seksyen 17, Shah Alam). I got accepted into UIUC (University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign) after that but came back to Malaysia after a year or so and enrolled in KDU. I've been to UTP (Universiti Teknologi Petronas) a few times but not as a student there.

7) Cik Arip is the best small point guard I've ever played with or against. If the guy wasn't 5' 6", I bet he'll be representing Malaysia. Seriously. Sasha Vujacic is simply a guy who I think is most similar to me in terms of playing style. He's not that good (just like me.. lol). Greg Ostertag is not just a basketball player. He's a basketball icon. Read this, this and this. Still not my all-time fav, though. By the way, I can't watch Kobe play without cursing at least once. E.g: "***** power sial", "**** macam mana dia boleh spin ***** lawa macam tu dowh", "HOW THE ******* HELL DID HE DO THAT?"

8) I have a crush on Cheryl Samad, and I honestly believe that Ghost is a frickin good Semi-Malay TV show. Sundays at 9.30pm on 8TV, in case you're wondering. I like watching crappy Malay movies from time to time because I find them funny. I don't watch TV as much as I did back in school, but I still watch it. Family Guy's a no-brainer, right? I have a Stewie Griffin tee for God's sake. Anyways, I don't watch Prison Break. No idea why but the show just doesn't interest me that much.

So, now you know more about me. Congrats.

Random Emo Song of the Week

Cute is What We Aim For - Newport Living
People who spend a lot of time in my car would know that I love listening/singing along to songs on my CDs. Newport Living is one of them. There's a few clever lines in the song but I've never really felt anything special until recently. I met a girl who's almost the exact epitome of this song. I didn't immediately think about this song when I met her, but I immediately thought of her when I listened to this song a few days ago. It just puts the song into perspective. As usual, lines that I sing along to louder than the rest are in bold.

Everyone's a let down
It just depends on how far down they can go
In every circle of friends there's a whore
The one who flirts
And does a little more
But who's to say?
This is a social scene anyway
And everybody wants to explore the new girl
Caught up in her own hard liquor world
But liquor doesn't exist in my world
But liquor doesn't exist in my world

And if you lie you don't deserve to have friends
If you lie you don't deserve to have them
If you lie you don't deserve to have friends
If you lie

You are a sell out
But you couldn't even do that right
So your price tag has been slashed
And now you're chillin' on a half priced clearance rack
You are a sell out
But you couldn't even do that right
So your price tag has been slashed
And now you're chillin' on a half priced clearance rack

The social scene where she gets her fix
Has been broken since '86
Now just look at that social clique
Do you really wanna be a part of it?
Let's not let us forget
Where she gets the habit
She gets the pills from her skills
She gets the skills from the pills
And just look at that clique
Do you really wanna be the star of it?

You are a sell out
But you couldn't even do that right
So your price tag has been slashed
And now you're chillin' on a half priced clearance rack
You are a sell out
But you couldn't even do that right
So your price tag has been slashed
And now you're chillin' on a half priced clearance rack

Good Actor? (insert maniacal laughter here)

Starceleb(I don't like using people's real names, remember?) called me up on Tuesday. She was supposed to go for a group meeting at Starbucks at the Curve but she's not that close to her friends so she wanted some company. I had nothing planned for the day except for basketball at 5 so I went ahead and hung out with her. Didn't know that I was about to do some fine acting on that day.

We were both smoking outside when Starceleb was telling me about how she looks old, people thinks she's married, got mistaken for her brother's mom, etc. I found the whole thing funny and had it in mind for a little while. Then her two other friends came and joined us. I don't remember clearly how the conversation was steered into the topic, but the fun began when Starceleb said that I was married.

Yes, yes. I could have just laughed and told them I wasn't married but where's the fun in that? I ended up (in order) :

1. saying I was 28 turning 29;
2. explaining that I work part-time in Pusat Sukan UiTM because I'm an amatuer baller;
3. showing pics of my two kids and wife;
4. telling a story about how me and my wife wore same colored outfits when I visited her for lunch this one time even though I didn't notice what she was wearing when she was leaving for work that morning;
5. explaining that I don't wear my wedding ring because I don't like wearing diamonds;
   
6. laughing inside viciously.

Funny thing was, they both looked like they believed every single thing I said. Damn, I must have put on quite a show. Of course, me and Starceleb had a conversation on a piece of paper about this. What was in the note?

"just remembered dat ur frens r frm kdu as well, so mcm kantoi if dey see me in coll kan?
but i told them dat u r from kdu.
owh, but dey all pecaya my story, so i hav to stick with it la. I'm just gonna tel dem i'm doin masters in kdu if dey ask.
y dun u tell them da real story?
tengok la dulu. haha."

Shortly afterwards, I did come clean with her friends and they immediately started saying things like, "I knew you couldn't be married", "Yeah, you look so young", "So that means you're single la?", etc. Thank God they had a sense of humor. Was actually half-scared that they might bite my head off after the confession, actually. (laughs while rolling on the floor)

Cold

I can't seem to write like I used to, but that's what I've been saying for the past few years. I cry a lot more now, sometimes when it's not even called for. I even smoke more, despite knowing that cigarette prices rise every year. It crossed my mind that my body is going through a deterioration process, where I'm slowly losing myself to nothing. Maybe it's not true, though the signs around me say otherwise.

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. No, actually. Scratch that. I've been having trouble sleeping early, lately. Despite not having anything to do at night, and tons to attend to in the morning, I still somehow manage to sleep around 3-4am every night.

My appetite's diminished. It's been growing smaller for the past two weeks now. I was happy because it increased dramatically last month, and I gained a few pounds, but now my eating habits are somewhat irregular. One meal a day seems enough, sometimes.

It's been raining almost everyday and it's hard to ball. God, I wish MBSA would build a covered basketball court in Shah Alam. Not being able to ball can only add to someone's(note: mine) depression.

It hurts when I type out certain things. I get teary-eyed everytime I try to type "I miss you".

I hate the fact that she's so far away from me now, but I'm glad because she's moving on with her life. It'd be a shame for someone so beautiful to be shackled, and I hope that she'll find joy in her newfound freedom. I hope the experiences she'll go through will make her a better person. I hope that her choices will bring her happiness. Most of all, I hope that I'll be able to join her soon. And whatever's left after this damned deterioration will gain back its life.

Puzzling, Complicated, and Colorful

I stumbled across this thing while sitting in front of my laptop.

you're a passionate kiss on Sunday, a cold cheek on Tuesday
my car has never witnessed such confusion
you've weathered tears through the years
but the public never sees you without a smile
even while pushing me away, you smile
brushing me off with a child-like gesture
if your gestures were colors, you'd look like a fun-fair
these are all part of your beauty, not in an obvious way
because art demands scrutiny
and it took me a while before figuring this out
you're puzzling, complicated and colorful
just like a Rubick's Cube, you're beautiful

Random Emo Song of the Week

Mayday Parade - Jamie All Over
Everytime I hear this song, I imagine myself going on a roadtrip with my girlfirend(if I had one) and just having a great time together. The way the guitar comes in at the beginning of the song, the vocalists' intonation, in fact everything about this song just screams out this good vibe. Whenever I listen to this song, I can picture myself with her with not much money, basically just driving around the country and hanging out and chilling at places along the highway where there's nothing else but a great scenery. Fricking AWESOME!!! Anyways, I can't put just one or a few single lines in bold because I like the WHOLE lyrics. So here it is.


I had a dream last night we
Drove out to see Las Vegas
We lost ourselves in the bright lights
I wish you could've seen us
Begging for change to get home
Or at least San Francisco
Let's put a ten on the high card
And spend a summer on the West Coast

Down and to the left
(Here's the map and the pen, the place you pointed at)
Be California's best
(All I ask, all I ask)

And please don't tell me that I'm dreaming
When all I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you
If I roll over when it's over
I'll take this Cali sunrise with me
And wake up with the fondest memories

We made love by the ocean
As the waves crashed around you
Sunsets never were so bright
And the skies never so blue
You opened up into my arms
And we laughed as I held you
I'll never go back to Georgia
Not at least till I have to

Back From Korea

Damn it's been so long since I've last blogged. More than a month? Wow. Hurm. Oh well.

I had a family vacation in Seoul about a week ago. We spent a couple of nights at Vivaldi Park near Mt Sorak and a few more in Seoul. I wasn't too keen on the holiday at first because of the fact that it was winter but the trip turned out to be quite enjoyable. There's quite a few things to blog about, I guess.

I fell in love during the trip... twice... with a life-size cardboard model and a girl on Youtube. Sounds pathetic, right? Not really. I just think it's funny. Vivaldi Park had their own spokesperson/model and she was freaking beautiful in a cute way. They had a few billboards with her face on it, and a couple of life-size cardboard models around the resort. I wanted to take the cardboard models into my room and make sweet love to it, but it was too hard to steal so I had to settle with just taking a few pictures with it. The girl from Youtube was a different story. I was browsing through the net and stumbled across this video.





She looked cute, she acted sengal, she could play the guitar and she sounded amazing. I fell in love. and then I saw this video.




Her face reminds me of Aziz M. Osman's ex-wife. And I've had a crush on her for ages! She's one of the few women who I think looks amazingly beautiful with or without the tudung, and I have a feeling that this girl has the same beauty. Anyways, her name(on Youtube, at least) is Cherubicgirllarh. Even if you don't think she's lovable, you should at least listen to her once because she really does sound good. I'm digressing..

Another story from that Korea trip -I had to smoke outside of the hotel we stayed in because my dad booked a non-smoking room on a non-smoking floor in a hotel that has a non-smoking lobby(wait, did that make sense?). It was bad enough that I had to get into my hoodie/jacket everytime I wanted to smoke but I dropped my gloves halfway through the trip. Being the frugal man I am, I didn't buy a new pair so I had to endure the numbingly cold sensations running through my fingers whenever I feel like smoking. Not pleasant at all. So I managed to smoke without using my hands 90% of the time, keeping the cigarette butt constantly in my mouth and keeping my hands in my pockets most of the time. The only time I had to use my hands were when I had to light the cigs. Now that's a talent.

Will post more on subsequent days. I feel a tsunami of words(oh my god that sounds so lame) coming.