Dude

If people around me say that I'm a good person, but I become insecure, spiteful, stupid, insensitive, lifeless, egoistic and pathetic when I come into extended contact with you, does that mean you bring out the worst in me? No, I'm not saying you're a bad person. Quite the contrary, really. But I just think that the more time I spend with you, the more mistakes I'll do and it's just a waste of time.

Again, please understand that I'm not saying any of this is your fault. It's not you, it's me. Even if you don't do anything to me, I still become a horrible person when I'm with you and I don't want that. I hate you for it (spiteful sungguh), but I don't feel like doing anything about it. Not worth the effort. I don't even feel like I want to see you anymore. So please don't get emo if I don't reply your messages or calls after this. I just think that I would slowly become a completely pathetic person if I keep on being friends with you. So, hurm, ciao.

Oh, I Love My Loves!

Of the top of my head, the three worldly things that I love the most are my family, basketball and music. Right now, I'm feeling happy about all three. Music's been surprisingly pleasant for me ever since I started writing, and it's awesome.

One thing about my recordings now,I've been figuring out cheap ways of getting better audio recording for my songs. Right now, my process of recording a song still costs next to nothing but the audio quality has improved by leaps and bounds since my first rap session. The video below explains how I record the vocals for the song, while I add in the music later in Windows Movie Maker by combining the video of me rapping (with little or no music) with the mp3 for the instrumental track. Will do this for my future vids until I find other cheap ways that produce better results.

Layan.

Merosakkan lagu Yuna - Penakut

Here's the lyrics to the song. Please don't read too much into what i write, because you never know if i'm really talking about you. Anyways;

Tak semua kau rancang akan berlaku

Aku cuma nakkan kita ada masa depan

Tapi sayangnya semua hanya tinggal rancangan
Mungkin nasib tak menyebelahi aku

Kau terlalu selamba keluarkan kata-kata

Kenapa? Terlalu mudah engkau surrender?
Entah mengapa engkau yang aku cinta

Memang cinta buta, bukan ke aku dah kata

Walau buta tapi cinta kita sempurna
Mungkin lebih baik kau ku lepas saja

Takkan kau sanggup hilangkan semua?

Takkan kau sanggup tinggalkan semua?

Chorus
Oh ini tidak adil tidak adil baginya (memang pun)
Oh ini tidak adil tidak adil bagiku (aku faham)
Oh ini tidak adil
Untuk kau bertanya jika ku mencintaimu juga

Tidak adil tidak adil baginya

Biarpun banyak beban ada kat depan

Aku tak mengaku kalah, masih ada harapan

Sebab ingatan kita waktu zaman dulu

Takkan nak persiakan apa kita dah lalu

Mungkin lebih baik kalau kita duduk dulu

Bawa bincang perlahan, i will listen to you

Tapi tolong jangan bila kita muka-ke-muka

Kau mintak izin pergi, bukak cerita sama

Kau tak pernah cuba memahami aku

Sumpah tak tipu memang aku dah cuba

Tapi engkau yang tak sabar untuk tunggu aku belajar
Cinta kau ucap tak pernah engkau tunjuk
Bukannya tak pernah tapi engkau yang tak nampak

Engkau yang tak faham cara-cara aku sayang

Dan bila tiba saat ku kehilangan

Hilangkan apa yang ada masa dulu

Aku masih ada tapi engkau yang celaru
Beban yang tak pernah kau cuba ringankan

Aku merayu, mulai saat ini

Apa jua beratnya di hati tolonglah berkongsi

Ulang Chorus
Kau bukan milikku

Aku faham perasaan kau celaru

Hubungan kita memang haru biru

Aku yakin yang sakit cuma sementara

Tapi penghujungnya kita akan bahagia

Yang penting cuma kita dua-dua

Tak boleh berhenti dari mencuba.

Aku tahu kau pedih tapi aku pun sama

Hati kau terbakar, jiwa aku terseksa

Tapi Cuma satu benda je dalam dunia

Yang boleh buat kita pulih semula.

Tapi kau penakut.

Dan aku memang penakut
Mengakui cinta kepadamu
Seribu kali ku cuba ucapkan
Bila bersamamu
Kau bukan milikku
Dan engkau pun tahu
Kau bukan milikku

Random Rant

I've been noticing more portrayals of domestic violence on the television lately. I hate violence against women. I hate guys who do it. I got sick after watching this one scene from Gemilang on TV3 where this under-aged kid was repeatedly molested by her stepdad. Even more sickening was Kemboja Putih's whole 'gang-raped by strangers in front of own husband' thing. Can't stomach it. I try to make an effort and keep my mom company when she watches her tv series, but I just walk away when things like that come on.

I feel like the issue is too real for me and I can't be comfortable around it. Some of the people closest to me has gone through it, and I've seen how it changes them. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand what they go through, but I know that it's awful.

Screw you if you hit ladies, bro. YOU'RE a fucking bitch.